Chikanda Mbwelenge Economy

Amidst the grandeur and fanfare of a new king ascending to umupando, following the demise of the ailing Mr. Satire, there was an air of fascination. Mr. Add Add, dubbed visionless, took the throne, vowing to navigate the labyrinth of leadership with the guidance of cadres.

Cheers resounded on Heroes Hill, where dimpled indunas and political cadres exchanged knowing smiles. The opposition leader, Mr. High Hope, did not bother to attend the celebrations.

Infrastructure took center stage in this manna in the pocket era, with airports, grand roads, and flyover bridges sprouting across Zombia. Yet, a fateful encounter shifted the narrative—when a seer, summoned to the palace, found the king feasting on lobster, caviar, and yakobo whiskey.

The seer dared to accuse the Indunas of amassing wealth through inflated road contracts. The king, furious, exiled him to a distant southern village. But before departing, one seer issued an ominous prophecy—another king would soon take over Umupando. Terrified, the king cursed the kingdom, unknowingly sealing his fate.

Unbeknownst to him, emissaries from the would-be successor sought the same seer’s counsel. The old sage, blunt as ever, advised them: offer a vision, not fission; adopt a methodical approach over militancy; and, most importantly, never touch the cursed umupando with bare hands—gloves were essential. The royal state palace, he warned, was off-limits.

That is how the Hyper Harvester took over Akamupando. The new leader, wary of the curse, refused to reside in the palace and built a helipad on communal land, choosing instead to navigate the economic wilderness from the community. Yet, the Pub Wattle people, deeply entrenched in the former state house, still pull the strings of the economy.

Until this power struggle is resolved, our economy will remain as fragile as chikanda mbwelenge —and the kwacha dollar’s trajectory? Well, brace yourselves: it’s hurtling toward 30 and competing with its 35-year-old sibling called Pound. Together they want to celebrate Mr. Fuel, whose life has just begun at 40.